A Miserable Life is The Default – Happiness is an Uphill Endeavour

Your life is like a garden, you have to do real hard work to make the garden look great. If you don’t do any hard work it will look like shit.

If you don’t try to excel at life, you will have a shitty life because a shitty life is the default. I see so many people who are unhappy in my daily life, and they are miserable because miserable circumstances are the default.

Poverty is the default.

Bad health is the default.

Bad relationships are the default.

Feeling like shit is the default.


It’s simple,

Negatives are always seeking you out.

If you do nothing in life but relax, you will be fucking miserable.

On the other hand,

Positive circumstances must be sought after, you have to PURSUE and EARN happiness, while unhappiness is something you ATTRACT by doing nothing or too little.

If you want to be rich, it will not happen by luck or accident.

It takes relentless dedication to get rich. It also takes self-education, creating value, and being financially disciplined.

If you want good health you have to eat a good diet and exercise the right way consistently. Good health will not seek you out, bad health will though.

If you want good relationships you must put effort into them and give the other person what they want.

I can think of life as a professional sport, if you don’t have the motivation to play the game hard and play it the right way, losses will seek you out.

Success is an uphill battle, it’s not even terrain so if you don’t go uphill your fate is to go downhill.

Until next time,

Angus Baynham-McColl


Emotional Mastery 

First of all, recognize that there are people and corporations with a strong vested interest in conditioning you to maintain the (false) belief that you need some kind of external validation to feel a certain way. Marketers spend billions of dollars each year to convince you that you need to drink their soda, eat their food, wear their clothing, drive their cars, and shop at their stores to feel happy, cool, fashionable, popular, confident, successful, etc. Who benefits most when you adopt the belief that you need to dress a certain way to feel fashionable or drive a certain car to feel cool?

When you understand that you have the innate ability to consciously direct your thoughts to create any feeling you want, whenever you want, you’re not going to make such people rich. But you will be much more free, since you’ll gain the power of conscious control over your own emotional states. This is a skill that takes practice, but it is a learnable one. For example, in a matter of minutes I can get myself to feel any emotion I want, and for those I’ve already anchored, I can put myself into that state in less than 5 seconds. This is nothing unique — experienced actors can do it too. If an actor can laugh uproariously or cry rivers of tears or shout with intense anger over something completely fake, then you can certainly learn to be 100% confident on que as well (and really experience the genuine emotion).

My favorite emotion is the state of feeling “unstoppable,” which is one I anchored at a Tony Robbins seminar. Anchoring means conditioning a specific emotional state to be linked to a simple trigger, just as Pavlov conditioned his dog to link getting fed with the sound of bell. So if I make a certain movement, I automatically surge into this emotional state within a few seconds. In my old Tae Kwon Do studio, I noticed another student firing off an anchor several times during sparring matches. The tennis player Andre Agassi and the basketball player Byron Scott both used emotional anchoring in their athletic careers, and I’ve read that emotional conditioning has been used by German Olympic teams with outstanding results (the U.S. Olympic teams are generally much further behind in this area). Anchoring is well covered in Tony Robbins Unlimited Power book, and he also takes you through it directly in his live seminars and he covers it in his Personal Power audio program. Something really cool I discovered is that once I’ve conditioned an anchor, I don’t even have to physically fire it off. If I merely imagine myself making the particular motion, it still works. So Weds night when I was being introduced as the speaker, I mentally imagined myself firing off my trigger for confidence, and by the time I reached the lectern I was feeling 100% confident. Yes, 100% — no nervousness or self-doubt whatsoever.

Advertisers use anchoring on you all the time. This is why Pepsi will pay someone like Michael Jackson $20 million to be in a 30-second commercial (OK, so that was years ago). They want to condition you to link the emotions you get from hearing a particular song to their product. This emotional conditioning works a lot better than trying to logically argue why you should consume sugar water and chemicals. And it absolutely works … to the tune of billions.

Dr. Wayne Dyer said that when he was learning about self-actualization in college, a professor posed this question: If a totally self-actualizing person unknowingly showed up to a formal event wearing overly casual attire, how would s/he react? The answer: S/he wouldn’t even notice. That’s the state of total emotional mastery, where no external event can knock you into a negative emotional state. A mind like water.

The problem isn’t that external events have control over your emotions. The problem is believing that they do. Abandoning this belief and realizing that you have the innate ability to control how you feel at any given moment, regardless of your circumstances, is the first step to emotional mastery. Events are neutral. What causes you to feel a certain way is how you interpret an event, how you think about it. The same event (even one so serious as the death of someone close to you) will be interpreted differently by different people. You were taught to represent certain events to yourself as tragic, while other people on this planet were taught to celebrate those same events. The event itself has no meaning but the meaning you assign to it, and that act of assigning meaning (whether done consciously or unconsciously) is what causes you to feel a certain way.

Once you understand this, you can begin to take conscious control over these assignments. When stricken with a terminal illness, some people interpret it as terrible and go into a deep depression. Others interpret it as a challenge and find a way to overcome the illness. And still others see it as a wake up call to reevaluate their priorities and make the best possible use of the time they have left, developing deeper bonds with the people around them and living much more fully. To some people it’s an ending, while to others it’s a new beginning. But this doesn’t have to be a subconscious reaction — it can be a conscious choice. Whenever something happens that you would normally say “makes you depressed,” you can choose to find and assign an alternate interpretation that makes you feel empowered instead of disempowered. Instead of failure you can see a learning experience. Instead of a loss, you can focus on deepening your feelings of gratitude for what you do have. Instead of rejection you can see a temporary mismatch and a renewed opportunity to find the perfect fit. Just because TV teaches you to feel a certain way in response to a certain event doesn’t mean you have to blindly accept that interpretation, especially since the TV business benefits when you feel down and thereby tune in to try to change your emotional state.

Between stimilus and response lies the opportunity for conscious choice. You can be fired from your job and turn it into a victory instead of a defeat (Lee Iacoca did). You can go bankrupt and move on to even greater wealth (Donald Trump did). You can be injured to the point of disfiguration and turn it into an advantage to inspire others (W. Mitchell did). You can be dumped by your girlfriend, feel suicidal, and yet still bounce back (Billy Joel did). And on the other hand, you can enjoy outstanding external success and yet abuse yourself to the point of death (John Belushi did).

For any seemingly “negative” event, you can find someone who turned it into an empowering experience. And for any “positive” event, you can find someone who interpreted it in such a way as to destroy themselves. Avoid the trap of letting events subconsciously control you, and use the power of your consciousness to decide your own interpretation of events for the greatest good of all.

When you reach the point of becoming independent of external events, you’re truly free. This is the state of being detached from external events, knowing that you can exert direct conscious control over your thoughts instead of needing something external to do it for you. Dr. Wayne Dyer refers to it as being “independent of the good opinion of others.” No matter what happens to you, you can still choose to be at peace.

Note: This article was written by Steve Pavlina in 2004. 

Fear of Success: What Will Happen If You Succeed?

Sometimes you find yourself with a goal you think you should want to achieve, but you just don’t seem to be taking enough action to reach it. You aren’t really afraid of failure or rejection, the path to the goal seems clear enough and might even be an interesting challenge, and occasionally you’ll make some progress. But most of the time you can’t seem to get into that flow state, and you’re not sure why. This often happens with long-term goals that require intermittent action, like losing weight or transitioning to start a new business and eventually quit your job.

One question I’ve found helpful to ask in these situations is this: What will happen if you succeed? Forget about what you hope will happen or what you fear might happen, but realistically consider what probably will happen. So you achieve your goal. Then what? What else will change?

I’m not talking about giving a 5-second cursory answer, like “If I lose the weight, then I’ll be thin.” Set aside at least 15-30 minutes just to think about how your life will really change once you achieve your goal (with no TV, radio, or other distractions). There are often unexpected side effects that you may not be aware of consciously, but subconsciously they can be enough to prevent you from taking committed action. For example, if you lose a lot of weight, here are some possible side effects: people will notice and will comment about it, other people will ask you for diet advice, you may feel you need to continue with a permanent lifestyle change to maintain your new weight, you may need to buy new clothes, you may become more attractive to others and thereby attract more social encounters (wanted or unwanted), overweight friends might become jealous, your family may resist your changes, you may feel stressed about whether you can keep the weight off, you may worry about the loss of certain favorite foods from your diet, and so on.

It’s rare that a goal is all roses. Success requires change, and change has both positive and negative consequences. Often while people claim to want to succeed at something, the reality is that the negatives outweigh the positives for them. But one way to overcome this problem is to consciously think about what those negatives are, and then uproot them one by one. Uprooting a negative side effect could mean figuring out how to eliminate it completely, or it could mean just accepting it and learning to live with it.

It’s certainly helpful to focus on the positive side of a goal. But don’t forget to take an occasional survey of the dark side and accept that you’re going to have to deal with that too.

Unlike fear of failure and fear of rejection, fear of success can be far more insidious because it’s almost always unconscious. But it’s not fear of success itself that is the problem but rather fear of the side effects of success, many of which may be genuinely unwanted. Fears that are never evaluated consciously have a tendency to grow stronger. The reason is simple behavioral conditioning — when you avoid something you fear (either consciously or subconsciously), you automatically reinforce the avoidance behavior. So when you (even unknowingly) avoid working on your goal because of a hidden fear of success, you actually reinforce the habit of procrastination, so as time goes by, it becomes harder and harder to get yourself to take action. Insidious!

Asking, “What will happen if I succeed?” can solve this problem because it focuses your conscious attention on those fears. Fear has a tendency to shrink under direct examination, making it easier for you to take action. When I say that fear shrinks, another way of stating this is that subconscious behavioral conditioning weakens under conscious scrutiny. I know some people dislike the word “fear” with respect to their own behavior — don’t get hung up on the exact wording; call it “avoidance behavior” if that’s more to your liking.

But an additional benefit is that you can also devise intelligent work-arounds for those fears-made-conscious, some of which may indeed be valid signals of unsolved problems. For example, going back to the weight loss example, if you lose a lot of weight, you probably will need new clothes. And if you don’t have the money to buy new clothes, then that is a real problem you’ll need to address (unless you don’t mind wearing oversized outfits). Left unacknowledged, even a simple problem like this can be enough to subconsciously sabotage you from achieving your goal. But once you examine the situation consciously and figure out a way to deal with it in advance, you’re sending a message to your subconscious that you needn’t fear this problem because you have a practical way to solve it.

Now let’s consider the opposite side. Suppose you ask, “What will happen if I succeed?” and upon considering all the side effects, you realize that you don’t actually want to achieve the goal at all. The negatives outweigh the positives. I encountered this when I made a plan to grow my games business but didn’t seem to make as much progress as I wanted. When I asked this magic question, I realized that I didn’t really want to achieve the goal with all its side effects — what I really wanted was to transition to writing and speaking full time, and further building my games business would actually take me farther from that more important goal. Growing my games business seemed like a goal I should want, but when I really thought about where I’d be if I achieved that goal, I realized it wouldn’t be the success I truly wanted. That was a difficult realization for me… to recognize that my original ladder of success was now leaning against the wrong building. So I actually had to “unset” that goal once I really understood the likely consequences of achieving it.

Even now as I set goals in the direction of writing and speaking as my new career, I recognize that there are big side effects. I simply don’t have the mental bandwidth for two full-time careers. One of the hardest side effects for me was letting go of the goals and dreams I had for my games business. All those creative ideas for new games that will never be… and the would-be players who will never experience them…. But this is outweighed by what will happen as I succeed in my new career. To create a new game that challenges, entertains, and uplifts people is wonderful; however, being able to help people grow fulfills me even more. I found it a very enlightening process to review all these side effects and one by one to acknowledge that I accept them.

What will happen if you succeed? If you lose the weight… get the date… earn the promotion… start the business… get pregnant… quit smoking… become a millionaire…. stretch yourself.

Note: This article was written by Steve Pavlina on Dec 4 2004.

The Courage to Live Consciously

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature,
nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits
in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.

– Helen Keller

In our day-to-day lives, the virtue of courage doesn’t receive much attention. Courage is a quality reserved for soldiers, firefighters, and activists. Security is what matters most today. Perhaps you were taught to avoid being too bold or too brave. It’s too dangerous. Don’t take unnecessary risks. Don’t draw attention to yourself in public. Follow family traditions. Don’t talk to strangers. Keep an eye out for suspicious people. Stay safe.

But a side effect of overemphasizing the importance of personal security in your life is that it can cause you to live reactively. Instead of setting your own goals, making plans to achieve them, and going after them with gusto, you play it safe. Keep working at the stable job, even though it doesn’t fulfill you. Remain in the unsatisfying relationship, even though you feel dead inside compared to the passion you once had. Who are you to think that you can buck the system? Accept your lot in life, and make the best of it. Go with the flow, and don’t rock the boat. Your only hope is that the currents of life will pull you in a favorable direction.

No doubt there exist real dangers in life you must avoid. But there’s a huge gulf between recklessness and courage. I’m not referring to the heroic courage required to risk your life to save someone from a burning building. By courage I mean the ability to face down those imaginary fears and reclaim the far more powerful life that you’ve denied yourself. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of going broke. Fear of being alone. Fear of humiliation. Fear of public speaking. Fear of being ostracized by family and friends. Fear of physical discomfort. Fear of regret. Fear of success.

How many of these fears are holding you back? How would you live if you had no fear at all? You’d still have your intelligence and common sense to safely navigate around any real dangers, but without feeling the emotion of fear, would you be more willing to take risks, especially when the worst case wouldn’t actually hurt you at all? Would you speak up more often, talk to more strangers, ask for more sales, dive headlong into those ambitious projects you’ve been dreaming about? What if you even learned to enjoy the things you currently fear? What kind of difference would that make in your life?

Have you previously convinced yourself that you aren’t really afraid of anything… that there are always good and logical reasons why you don’t do certain things? It would be rude to introduce yourself to a stranger. You shouldn’t attempt public speaking because you don’t have anything to say. Asking for a raise would be improper because you’re supposed to wait until the next formal review. They’re just rationalizations though – think about how your life would change if you could confidently and courageously do these things with no fear at all.

What Is Courage?

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.
– Ambrose Redmoon

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.
– Mark Twain

Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.
– John Wayne

I like the definitions of courage above, which all suggest that courage is the ability to get yourself to take action in spite of fear. The word courage derives from the Latin cor, which means “heart.” But true courage is more a matter of intellect than of feeling. It requires using the uniquely human part of your brain (the neocortex) to wrest control away from the emotional limbic brain you share in common with other mammals. Your limbic brain signals danger, but your neocortex reasons that the danger isn’t real, so you simply feel the fear and take action anyway. The more you learn to act in spite of fear, the more human you become. The more you follow the fear, the more you live like a lower mammal. So the question, “Are you a man or a mouse?” is consistent with human neurology.

Courageous people are still afraid, but they don’t let the fear paralyze them. People who lack courage will give into fear more often than not, which actually has the long-term effect of strengthening the fear. When you avoid facing a fear and then feel relieved that you escaped it, this acts as a psychological reward that reinforces the mouse-like avoidance behavior, making you even more likely to avoid facing the fear in the future. So the more you avoid asking someone out on a date, the more paralyzed you’ll feel about taking such actions in the future. You are literally conditioning yourself to become more timid and mouse-like.

Such avoidance behavior causes stagnation in the long run. As you get older, you reinforce your fear reactions to the point where it’s hard to even imagine yourself standing up to your fears. You begin taking your fears for granted; they become real to you. You cocoon yourself into a life that insulates you from all these fears: a stable but unhappy marriage, a job that doesn’t require you to take risks, an income that keeps you comfortable. Then you rationalize your behavior: You have a family to support and can’t take risks, you’re too old to shift careers, you can’t lose weight because you have “fat” genes. Five years… ten years… twenty years pass, and you realize that your life hasn’t changed all that much. You’ve settled down. All that’s really left now is to live out the remainder of your years as contently as possible and then settle yourself into the ground, where you’ll finally achieve total safety and security.

But there’s something else going on behind the scenes, isn’t there? That tiny voice in the back of your mind recalls that this isn’t the kind of life you wanted to live. It wants more, much more. It wants you to become far wealthier, to have an outstanding relationship, to get your body in peak physical condition, to learn new skills, to travel the world, to have lots of wonderful friends, to help people in need, to make a meaningful difference. That voice tells you that settling into a job where you sell widgets the rest of your life just won’t cut it. That voice frowns at you when you catch a glance of your oversized belly in the mirror or get winded going up a flight of stairs. It beams disappointment when it sees what’s become of your family. It tells you that the reason you have trouble motivating yourself is that you aren’t doing what you really ought to be doing with your life… because you’re afraid. And if you refuse to listen, it will always be there, nagging you about your mediocre results until you die, full of regrets for what might have been.

So how do you respond to this ornery voice that won’t shut up? What do you do when confronted by that gut feeling that something just isn’t right in your life? What’s your favorite way to silence it? Maybe drown it out by watching TV, listening to the radio, working long hours at an unfulfilling job, or consuming alcohol and caffeine and sugar.

But whenever you do this, you lower your level of consciousness. You sink closer towards an instinctive animal and move away from becoming a fully conscious human being. You react to life instead of proactively going after your goals. You fall into a state of learned helplessness, where you begin to believe that your goals are no longer possible or practical for you. You become more and more like a mouse, even trying to convince yourself that life as a mouse might not be so bad after all, since everyone around you seems to be OK with it. You surround yourself with your fellow mice, and on the rare occasions that you encounter a fully conscious human being, it scares the hell out of you to remember how much of your own courage has been lost.

Raise Your Consciousness

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.
– Anais Nin

Courage is the price that Life exacts for granting peace.
– Amelia Earhart

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, “I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
– Eleanor Roosevelt

The way out of this vicious cycle is to summon your courage and confront that inner voice. Find a place where you can be alone with pen and paper (or computer and keyboard). Listen to that voice, and face up to what it’s telling you, no matter how difficult it is to hear. (The voice is just an abstraction – you may not hear words at all; instead you may see what you should be doing or simply feel it emotionally. But I’ll continue to refer to the voice for the sake of example.) This voice may tell you that your marriage has been dead for ten years, and you’re refusing to face it because you’re afraid of divorce. It may tell you that you’re afraid that if you start your own business, you’ll probably fail, and that’s why you’re staying at a job that doesn’t challenge you to grow. It may tell you that you’ve given up trying to lose weight because you’ve failed at it so many times, and you’re addicted to food. It may tell you that the friends you’re hanging out with now are incongruent with the person you want to be, and that you need to leave that reference group behind and build a new one. It may tell you that you always wanted to be an actor or writer, but you settled for a sales job because it seemed more safe and secure. It may tell you that you always wanted to help people in need, but you aren’t doing so in the way you should. It may tell you that you’re wasting your talents.

See if you can reduce that voice to just a single word or two. What is it telling you to do? Leave. Quit. Speak. Write. Dance. Act. Exercise. Sell. Switch. Move on. Let go. Ask. Learn. Forgive. Whatever you get from this, write it down. Perhaps you even have different words for each area of your life.

Now you have to take the difficult step of consciously acknowledging that this is what you really want. It’s OK if you don’t think it’s possible for you. It’s OK if you don’t see how you could ever have it. But don’t deny that you want it. You lower your consciousness when you do that. When you look at your overweight body, admit that you really want to be fit and healthy. When you light up that next cigarette, don’t deny that you want to be a nonsmoker. When you meet the potential mate of your dreams, don’t deny that you’d love to be in a relationship with that person. When you meet a person who seems to be at total peace with herself, don’t deny that you crave that level of inner peace too. Get yourself out of denial. Move instead to a place where you admit, “I really do want this, but I just don’t feel I currently have the ability to get it.” It’s perfectly OK to want something that you don’t think you can have. And you’re almost certainly wrong in concluding that you can’t have it. But first, stop lying to yourself and pretending you don’t really want it.

Move From Fear to Action, Even if You Expect to Fail

When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Most of our obstacles would melt away if, instead of cowering before them, we should make up our minds to walk boldly through them.
– Orison Swett Marden

Courage and perseverance have a magical talisman, before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish into air.
– John Quincy Adams

Now that you’ve acknowledged some things you’ve been afraid to face, how do you feel? You probably still feel paralyzed against taking action. That’s okay. While diving right in and confronting a fear head-on can be very effective, that may require more courage than you feel you can summon right now.

The most important point I want you to learn from this article is that real courage is a mental skill, not an emotional one. Neurologically it means using the thinking neocortex part of your brain to override the emotional limbic impulses. In other words, you use your human intelligence, logic, and independent will to overcome the limitations you’ve inherited as an emotional mammal.

Now this may make logical sense, but it’s far easier said than done. You may logically know you’re in no real danger if you get up on a stage and speak in front of 1000 people, but your fear kicks in anyway, and the imaginary threat prevents you from volunteering for anything like this. Or you may know you’re in a dead end job, but you can’t seem to bring yourself to say the words, “I quit.”

Courage, however, doesn’t require that you take drastic action in these situations. Courage is a learned mental skill that you must condition, just as weight training strengthens your muscles. You wouldn’t go into a gym for the first time and try to lift 300 pounds, so don’t think that to be courageous you must tackle your most paralyzing fear right away.

There are two methods I will suggest for building courage. The first approach is analogous to progressive weight training. Start with weights you can lift but which are challenging for you, and then progressively train up to heavier and heavier weights as you grow stronger. So tackle your smallest fears first, and progressively train up to bigger and bigger fears. Training yourself to lift 300 pounds isn’t so hard if you’ve already lifted 290. Similarly, speaking in front of an audience of 1000 people isn’t so tough once you’ve already spoken to 900.

So grab a piece of paper, and write down one of your fears that you’d like to overcome. Then number from one to ten, and write out ten variations of this fear, with number one being the least anxiety-producing and number ten being the most anxiety-producing. This is your fear hierarchy. For example, if you’re afraid of asking someone out on a date, then number one on your list might be going out to a public place and smiling at someone you find attractive (very mild fear). Number two might be smiling at ten attractive strangers in a single day. Number ten might be asking out your ideal date in front of all your mutual friends, when you’re almost certain you’ll be turned down flat and everyone in the room will laugh (extreme fear). Now start by setting a goal to complete number one on your list. Once you’ve had that success (and success in this case simply means taking action, regardless of the outcome), then move on to number two, and so on, until you’re ready to tackle number ten or you just don’t feel the fear is limiting you anymore. You may need to adjust the items on your list to make them practical for you to actually experience. And if you ever feel the next step is too big, then break it down into additional gradients. If you can lift 290 pounds but not 300, then try 295 or even 291. Take this process as gradually as you need to, such that the next step is a mild challenge for you but one you feel fairly confident you can complete. And feel free to repeat a past step multiple times if you find it helpful to prepare you for the next step. Pace yourself.

By following this progressive training process, you’ll accomplish two things. You’ll cease reinforcing the fear/avoidance response that you exhibited in the past. And you’ll condition yourself to act more courageously in future situations. So your feelings of fear will diminish at the same time that your expression of courage grows. Neurologically you’ll be weakening the limbic control over your actions while strengthening the neocortical control, gradually moving from unconscious mouse-like to conscious human-like behavior.

The second approach to building courage is to acquire additional knowledge and skill within the domain of your fear. Confronting fears head-on can be helpful, but if your fear is largely due to ignorance and lack of skill, then you can usually reduce or eliminate the fear with information and training. For example, if you’re afraid to quit your job and start your own business, even though you’d absolutely love to be in business for yourself, then start reading books and taking classes on how to start your own business. Spend an afternoon at your local library researching the subject, or do the research online. Join the local Chamber of Commerce and any relevant trade organizations in your field. Attend conferences. Build connections. Enlist the help of a mentor. Build your skill to the point where you start to feel confident that you could actually succeed, and this knowledge will help you act more boldly and courageously when you’re ready. This method is especially effective when a large part of your fear is due to the unknown. Often just reading a book or two on the subject will be enough to dispel the fear so that you’re able to take action.

These two methods are my personal favorites, but there are many additional ways to condition yourself to overcome fear, including neuro-linguistic programming, implosion therapy, systematic desensitization, and self-confrontation. You can research them via an online search engine if you wish to learn such methods and increase the number of fear-busting tools in your arsenal. Most of these can be easily self-administered (implosion therapy is the notable exception).

The exact process you use to build courage isn’t important. What’s important is that you consciously do it. Just as your muscles will atrophy if you don’t regularly stress them, your courage will atrophy if you don’t consistently challenge yourself to face down your fears. In the absence of this kind of conscious conditioning, you’ll automatically become weak in both body and mind. If you aren’t regularly exercising your courage, then you are strengthening your fear by default; there is no middle ground. Just as your muscles automatically atrophy from lack of use, so your courage will automatically decay in the absence of conscious conditioning.

Now this may sound overly gloomy, so here’s a positive way to look at it. Heavy weights can be a physical burden, but they are helpful tools to build strong muscles. You would not look at a 45-pound dumbbell and say, “Why must you be so heavy?” It is what it is. Heaviness is your thought, not an intrinsic property of the dumbbell itself. Similarly, do not look at the things you fear and say, “Why must you be so scary?” Fear is your reaction, not a property of the object of your anxiety.

Fear is not your enemy. It is a compass pointing you to the areas where you need to grow. So when you encounter a new fear within yourself, celebrate it as an opportunity for growth, just as you would celebrate reaching a new personal best with strength training.

Catch a Glimpse of Your Own Greatness

Everyone has talent. What is rare is the courage to follow the talent to the dark place where it leads.
– Erica Jong

The highest courage is to dare to appear to be what one is.
– John Lancaster Spalding

Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

So what do you do with your newly developed courage? Where will it lead you? The answer is that it will permit you to lead a far more fulfilling and meaningful life. You will truly begin living as a daring human being instead of a timid mouse. You will uncover and develop your greatest talents. You will begin living far more consciously and deliberately than you ever have before. Instead of reacting to events, you will proactively manufacture your own events.

Courage is something you can only truly experience alone. It is a private victory, not a public one. Summoning the courage to listen to your innermost desires is not a group activity and does not result from building a consensus with others. Kahlil Gibran writes in The Prophet, “The vision of one man lends not its wings to another man.” The purpose of your existence is yours alone to discover. No one on earth has lived through the exact same experiences you have, and no one thinks the exact same thoughts you do.

On the one hand, this is a lonely realization. Whether you live alone or enjoy the deepest intimacy with a loving partner, deep down you must still face the reality that your life is yours alone to live. You can choose to temporarily yield control of your life to others, whether it be to a company, a spouse, or simply to the pressures of daily living, but you can never give away your personal responsibility for the results. Whether you assume direct and conscious control over your life or merely react to events as they happen to you, you and you alone must bear the consequences.

If you commit to following the path of courage, you will ultimately be forced to confront what is perhaps the greatest fear of all – that you are far more powerful and capable than you initially realized, that your ultimate potential is far greater than anything you’ve experienced in your past, and that with this power comes tremendous responsibility. You may not be able to solve all the woes of this planet, but if you ever do commit yourself 100% to the fulfillment of your true potential, you can significantly impact the lives of many people, and that impact will ripple through the future for generations to come.

What is the difference between you and one of those legendary historical figures who did have such an impact? You both had many of the same fears. You both were born with talents in some areas and weaknesses in others. The only thing stopping you is fear, and the only thing that will get you past it is courage. What you do with your life isn’t up to your parents, your boss, or your spouse. It’s up to you and you alone.

Catching a glimpse of your own greatness can be one of the most unsettling experiences imaginable. And even more disturbing is the awareness of the tremendous challenges that await you if you accept it. Living consciously is not an easy path, but it is a uniquely human experience, and it requires making the committed decision to permanently let go of that mouse within you. Going after your greatest and most ambitious dreams and experiencing failure and disappointment, running butt up against your most humbling human limitations instead of living with a comfortable padding of potential – these fears are common to us all.

The first few times you encounter such fears, you may quickly retreat back to the illusory security of life as a mouse. But if you keep exercising your courage, you will eventually mature to the point where you can openly accept the challenges and responsibilities of life as a fully conscious human being. Continuing to live as a mouse will simply hold no more interest for you. You will acknowledge within the deepest recesses of your being, I have awakened to this incredible potential within me, and I accept what that will require of me. Whatever it costs me, whatever I must sacrifice to follow this path, bring it on. I’m ready. Even though you will still experience fear, you will recognize it for the illusion it is, and you will know how to use your human courage to face it down, such that fear will no longer have the power to stop you.

Embrace the Daring Adventure

Before you embark on any path ask the question, does this path have a heart? If the answer is no, you will know it and then you must choose another path. The trouble is that nobody asks the question. And when a man finally realizes that he has taken a path without a heart the path is ready to kill him.
– Carlos Castaneda

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
– Kahlil Gibran

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.
– Dale Carnegie

As you develop a sense of your true purpose in life, you may begin to feel an uneasy disconnect between your current life situation and the one you envision moving towards. These two worlds may seem so different to you that you cannot mentally conceive of how to build a bridge between them. How can you balance the practical reality of taking care of your third-dimensional obligations like earning money to pay your bills and taxes, pleasing your boss, raising your family, and maintaining social relationships with people who can’t even relate to what you’re experiencing vs. the new vision of yourself you desperately want to move towards? A whole host of new fears may crop up related to this seemingly impossible shift. How will you support yourself? What will become of your relationships? Are you just deluding yourself?

The best advice I can give you here is to forget about trying to build a bridge. Focus instead on independently beginning the process of manifesting the new vision of yourself from scratch, as if it were a totally separate thread in your life. If this creates a temporary incongruence in your life, just do it anyway. For example, suppose you currently work as a divorce attorney, but your courage tells you that you must eventually abandon such adversarial work. You envision yourself passionately teaching couples how to heal their broken relationships. But you can’t even fathom yourself as a trial lawyer trying to speak about healthy relationships, and on top of that problem, you can’t see any way to make a decent living in this new career, at least not quickly. There’s just too big a disconnect between this new vision and practical reality. So instead of trying to bridge this gap, just begin building your new vision completely from scratch in whatever time you have, even if it’s only an hour or two each week. Keep doing your regular work as an attorney, but in your spare time, start posting anonymously on relationship message boards to give couples advice on how to heal their relationships. Use the oratory skills you developed as an attorney to begin speaking to small groups about healing relationships. Perhaps create a new web site, and start writing and posting articles about your new passion. You don’t have to hide the fact that you’re an attorney, but don’t worry about bridging these two worlds. Live in paradox. Just start developing the new you, and allow the old one to continue in parallel for a while.

What will happen is that you’ll develop skill in your new undertaking, and you’ll eventually be able to support yourself from it, even if you can’t see how to do so right away. You may not be able to see a way to support yourself in your new vision right now, and that’s fine. Just begin it anyway, doing it for free, without any concern of how to turn it into a new full-time career. Patiently wait for clarity; you will eventually find a way to make it work. Then when the time is right, you’ll be able to peacefully let go of the old career and focus all your energy on the new one. At some point you’ll be able to commit fully to your new self. Your passion for your new work will eventually overwhelm your fear of letting go of your old source of stability. So instead of trying to transform your old career into your new one, just start the process of building your new one, and let your old one gradually fade. Even if you can only invest an hour a week in your new undertaking, you will probably discover that this hour is more fulfilling to you than all the other hours put together, and that passion will drive you to find a way to gradually grow this presence until it fills up most of your days. The most important thing is to begin now by introducing your new vision of yourself to your daily life, even if you can only initially do so in a small way.

No matter how difficult it may seem, make the choice to live consciously. Do not succumb to that half-conscious realm of fear-based thinking, filling your life with distractions to avoid facing what you feel in those silent spaces between your thoughts. Either exercise your human endowment of courage and progressively build the strength to face your deepest, darkest fears to live as the powerful being you truly are, or admit that your fears are too much for you, and embrace life as a mouse. But make this choice consciously and with full awareness of its consequences. If you are going to allow fear to win the battle for your life, then proclaim it the victor and forfeit the match. If you simply avoid living consciously and courageously, then that is equivalent to giving up on life itself, where your continued existence becomes little more than a waiting period before physical death – the nothing as opposed to the daring adventure.

Don’t die without embracing the daring adventure your life is meant to be. You may go broke. You may experience failure and rejection repeatedly. You may endure multiple dysfunctional relationships. But these are all milestones along the path of a life lived courageously. They are your private victories, carving a deeper space within you to be filled with an abundance of joy, happiness, and fulfillment. So go ahead and feel the fear. Then summon the courage to follow your dreams anyway. That is strength that can’t be defeated.

Optimal Thinking

Here’s the concept of optimal thinking in a nutshell. Sub optimal thinking is when you ask questions like, “What’s a good/great way to do X?” or “How can I solve Y?” Optimal thinking is when you ask, “What’s the best way to do X?” or “How can I solve Y in the best way possible?” It may seem like a subtle and unimportant difference, but when you start applying this rule to your life, I think you’ll see some interesting results as I have.

For example, when planning your next day, you might ask yourself (perhaps subconsciously and non verbally), “What’s a good way to schedule my time tomorrow?” And by answering that question, you’ll plan a decent schedule for yourself. But it’s most likely a sub optimal schedule. Try instead asking yourself, “What’s the best way to schedule my time tomorrow?” Now you’re seeking the optimal solution — the best instead of just good or even great.

Sometimes you don’t immediately know the best solution to a problem. So what you can do in that situation is to ask, “What will the best solution look like?” And then you start listing attributes and constraints that your optimal solution will need to exhibit. This helps you narrow your list of alternatives. If you know a particular attribute of the optimal solution, then you can reject all possible solutions that lack that attribute.

Going back to the example of the best possible scheduling of your day, you might list some of these attributes: awaken early, exercise, work at least 8 solid hours, eat healthy meals, spend time with family, do something fun and rewarding in the evening, stretch myself in some way, get email inbox completely emptied, read for an hour, etc. Then you can work backwards from these sub goals to piece together your optimal schedule.

Keep in mind that the best solution always takes into account the resources you have available. If a possible solution is impractical, then it certainly isn’t optimal. So if the best way to schedule your day would require a supercomputer and six hours of planning time, then that solution is far from being the best. You might wish to include your key constraints in your original question, such as, “What’s the best way to schedule my time tomorrow in 20 minutes or less?”

In my experience the most beneficial aspect of optimal thinking is that it helps you raise your standards. Instead of settling for suboptimal solutions and mediocre results, you commit to doing your best, yet in a way that’s practical and which considers the reality of your situation. Often when you ask yourself, “What’s the best …,” you’ll find your mind zooming towards a very different kind of solution than you would if you asked suboptimal questions.

Here are some sample optimal thinking questions to get your mind moving in that direction:

  • What’s the best use of my time right now?
  • What’s the best way for me to exercise regularly (when, what, how)?
  • What’s the best way to get myself out of debt?
  • What’s the best way for me to make an extra $10,000 as quickly as possible?
  • What’s the best school for my child to attend?
  • What’s the best place for me to live?
  • What’s the best way to reply to this email? (use this one repeatedly to purge that clogged inbox)
  • What’s the best way for me to improve my social life?
  • What’s the best book I should read next?
  • What’s the best blog I should be reading regularly and tell everyone I know about?

Ask and you shall receive. Ask for the best.

We Become What We Think About

For the better part of a decade I have been interested in personal development information. I literally think about personal development on a daily basis. Often I listen to audio programs as I walk and sometimes I read personal development while I’m at work. One personal development work that I want to touch on today is Earl Nightingale’s The Strangest Secret.

The secret is simply 6 words: We become what we think about.

This certainly isn’t a new idea, in fact Earl clearly admits he learned it from Napoleon Hill’s classic Think and Grow Rich. And this isn’t a unique idea either. There are plenty of books that have expanded on the concept.

Nevertheless, the idea is a profound one.

Few people would argue that thoughts control our decisions and actions and that our actions largely control our results. If you think about going shopping and decide to follow through on that thought, your body soon follows suit, and pretty soon you acquire the results of going shopping. It all begins with what you think. But what people often don’t realize is that we have the power to consciously control our thoughts. Instead of just letting our brains randomly cycle through the same thought over and over again, we can actually spend time taking conscious control over our thoughts. And if we do that regularly, our actions will change and we will acquire new results.

Thoughts are like seeds. If you want different results in life, you have to figure out which thoughts are capable of growing those results and which aren’t. Then you have to fill your mind with correct thoughts and weed out incorrect thoughts.

For example, if you want to start your own business, I can tell you which thoughts are the right seeds and which are the wrong ones. Among the wrong seeds, you will find the following thoughts:

  • Starting my own business is very risky. I have a family to support.
  • There’s a good chance I will go broke.
  • I don’t have enough money yet.
  • I have no idea how to start my own business.
  • I’ve got a safe and secure job. Why would I want to mess that up?
  • I’m not ready to start my own business yet, maybe next year.

Now I’m not saying these thoughts are objectively wrong…just that they’re the wrong seeds for starting a business. These thoughts will not help you get the results of starting a successful business. A business isn’t going to grow in the soil of the thoughts above. But these are the right seeds if you don’t want to start your own business; these seeds will grow the tree of being a lifelong employee. So chances are if you harbor thoughts like those above, you find yourself an employee right now. There is nothing wrong with being an employee if that is what you actually want. On the other hand, if you’re an employee right now and you would like to start your own business, but your dominant thoughts about that idea are similar to those above, then you have a problem. Those mental seeds simply won’t grow a business, just like if you plant tomato seeds, you will never grow a watermelon.

So what kinds of thoughts are the right seeds for starting your own business?
Here are some of them:

  • Sure it’s a risk, but I believe in myself, and whatever obstacles come my way, I’ll overcome them.
  • I’d rather spend my life working hard to build my own business than to build someone else’s. If I’m going to build a business no matter what, it might as well be my own.
  • I love the freedom of being my own boss. I can only imagine what it must be like to be able to decide how to spend my time every minute of every day.
  • I can only make so much as an employee, if I want to get rich; I must build my own business.

Now just because thoughts like these above might be the right ones for building a business, that doesn’t mean that planting the right seeds is enough to grow the whole plant. Just like plants need water and sunshine, it takes a lot of hard work to build a business. But the right thoughts are the first step. I’m just using the starting of a business as an example here. I can just as easily use quitting smoking, losing weight, getting married, etc.

The main point here is that if you find yourself in a situation where you want new results in your life (i.e. something other than what you are currently experiencing), then the first step is to examine your dominant thoughts to see if they are the right seeds to grow the results that you want. The odds are better than 95% that if you aren’t making progress, than you’re probably not thinking the right thoughts. You must replace those thoughts with new thoughts. For example, you won’t become a non-smoker by thinking thoughts like “Quitting smoking is hard.”

A key concept to understand here is that shifting your thoughts is a conscious and deliberate activity. You don’t just say to yourself, “Ok, I’ll think about starting my own business. Sounds good. Next….” You have to be a lot more productive than that. You have to set aside an hour and be totally alone, sit with pen and paper, and figure out the correct thoughts/seeds you need to be thinking, and then consciously ram those new thoughts into your head, over and over again until they become dominant over the old thoughts. And if you really want changes with your results you must do this every single day.

You might find the above exercise very difficult at first. When you first think new thoughts it’s normal to feel doubt about them. So if you think about starting a new business, the initial images wont seem very good. Then you think about quitting your job and the negative reaction you will get from your boss, the office politics you have to deal with on a daily basis and you suddenly realize you are back to thinking the wrong thoughts again. That’s normal, but use your imagination to push beyond the doubt and keep working on it. See that new reality working out wonderfully, even if you have no idea how it could possibly work in the real world. It’s going to be sloppy in the beginning. But it will get easier over time. After about 2-3 weeks of repetition, you will actually believe these new thoughts. And that’s when you will feel the urge to start taking action. But in the beginning you will still be too full of doubt to act. That’s fine – it’s important to reach the point of belief first. So just give yourself some time, and let your imagination guide you. As Albert Einstein said “Imagination is more important than knowledge.”

Overcoming Depression

In this article I will give you a process for getting yourself out of negative emotional states. These states can range from sadness, anger, grief, apathy, guilt, shame, or severe depression. The process is the same for getting yourself out of any negative state, not just temporarily, but permanently.

Understanding Depression

Depressed people often seem to have good reasons for feeling down, and from the outside looking in their reasons may appear perfectly valid. If you are dealing with financial scarcity, health issues, or unwanted challenges, then any reasonable person may look at your life and say “your life is depressing.”

I’m not going to insult your intelligence by saying your problems aren’t that bad. Actually I imagine your situation could be downright awful, giving you every right to feel depressed. I can actually relate to what you may be going through because I have been there myself. I know how horrible it is to want to kill yourself because you feel so bad all the time, to have a life filled with negative results, and to feel powerless to change any of it. I will share my own personal stories about my depression later in the article.

If you are depressed, you have my empathy and compassion. But more importantly I have a solution for you that I would like to share. My belief is that you are smart enough to know there are no shallow quick fixes for what you are going through, but there is a workable solution. You will not be depressed forever. This solution will work if you take the time to understand and apply it, using whatever energy you are able to muster. This isn’t an all or nothing solution, so even a partial implementation will give you partial results. Best of all, you don’t even have to take any direct physical action. You can do the whole thing lying motionless in bed if you want.

The hidden gift of your situation is that once you permanently overcome your depression, you will be able to use your experience to help many other people. So as difficult as it is to endure right now, you may find that you look back on what you are going through and feel immense gratitude. This is because one day you may look back on these times as a tremendous gift. This has certainly been true for me.

This quote from Khalil Gibran’s The Prophet contains some deep truths:

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?

Is the flute that sooths your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep down into your heart and you shall find it as only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see in truth that are weeping for that which has been your delight.”

The Real Cause of Depression

Let me be very direct, you are not depressed because of the situation you are going through. You are depressed because of the ATTENTION that you give to your situation. I’m not saying your life doesn’t have bad circumstances at the moment, you may be going through the worst circumstances of your life, and if that is the case – you have my compassion. But your circumstances aren’t the REAL source of your depression. Negative circumstances can only cause depression when you place your attention on them. If you withdraw your attention from your circumstances, then you will not feel depressed because of them. You have the power to make your circumstances powerless to affect you.

Consider a simple example. Suppose you are on trial for a criminal charge and you are depressed because you believe you will get a criminal record, lose all job opportunities, and live a poor and meaningless life. Add some anxiety into the equation as well because of the uncertainty of the situation. The court case will only depress you and make you anxious while you are thinking about it. If you think about something else that makes you happy, something positive in your life, then at least (in that exact moment anyway) you won’t feel depressed. So it’s not your conflict with the law that is depressing you in this example, it’s only you noticing the conflict with the law (and not wanting it in your life) that depresses you and brings about stress and anxiety.

Another example, let’s suppose you are $10,000 in debt and see no way out of it. You notice that it’s a struggle to pay your bills every month, and you have more month left then you do money. And that makes you feel stressed out because you don’t know how you are going to deal with it. Also, you feel depressed because you don’t have the money it takes to enjoy life. You feel poor. But is it the lack of money that makes you feel poor? Or do you only feel poor when you pay attention to the fact that you don’t have the money you desire? When you are watching an awesome TV show, or a great movie, or talking to a buddy, you totally forget that you are depressed, don’t you? But if you see someone enjoying something that costs money and decide to contrast it with your own situation, then your depression will quickly return.

I know this may sound too simple and perhaps useless so far, but just humor me for a moment. I think you can agree that you only feel depressed when you pay attention to negative circumstances such as your lack of money, lack of relationships, or lack of good health. But here is the key point: Your circumstances are NOT the true source of your depression. The true source of your depression is your attention…..specifically your habit of putting your attention onto things you don’t like. In the case of chronic depression, it’s very likely that all the shit you don’t want in your life is exactly what is going on right now. So even the simple act of noticing the situations in your life is enough to make you feel depressed.

Understanding the Insidious Trap of Depression

This is why depression is such a tough trap to get out of. Once you sink so low to the level where you aren’t getting what you want, and you keep paying attention to shitty circumstances, your depression will actually become self- reinforcing. You are seriously stuck.

You will see in moment that the mistake you are making that is causing your depression is so devious that you will think you are being intelligent, when you are actually being quite dumb. You probably think it’s common sense that you should observe your circumstances, notice what you are getting, and react within reason. And you would be wrong about that one my friend. If you are depressed then this is perhaps the worst strategy you could possibly use. I know what I’m saying sounds totally counterintuitive, but could this be why MILLIONS of people are going through depression? Common sense is part of the trap that causes depression. And believe me, common sense is why so many brilliant people like you can get stuck in long term depression and even commit suicide.  Their best attempts to use intellect to reason their way out of depression only digs them a deeper hole. The more you struggle to reason your way out of a depression, the worse your depression will become.

After endless frustration trying to reason their way out of depression, many people will look for relief through meds, drugs, alcohol, TV, video games, friends, or other habits that lower awareness. Of course none of those things solve the underlying negative circumstances. They usually make it worse. You must face your problems because turning away from them will not help you improve your life one bit. Turing away from your problems is a surefire way to remain in despair.

The Solution to Depression

The solution to depression is actually very simple, but it’s totally counter intuitive for most people (unless you understand the law of attraction).  The solution is to withdraw your attention from what depresses you and place it on what makes you feel VERY VERY good! Now mind you, I understand that if you have been depressed severely, and for a very long time, it’s possible that nothing in your life makes you feel good. Your whole life may be unpleasant from top to bottom. So in that case you need to take your attention away from your environment and use your IMAGINATION! In your mind’s eye you need to construct totally imaginary circumstances that makes you feel good when you think about them. Then spend more time focusing on your imagined circumstances then on your external reality.

This may sound like you are trying to escape, but you aren’t trying to escape. Your goal is to try and build new circumstances in your imagination that you like. Picture yourself being prosperous, having great relationships, great health, a great career and much more.

Now at first this may be very very difficult, but don’t worry. You will improve with practice. Obviously you will still need to meet your basic needs and deal with life necessary demands. You will also have to soldier on and deal with your problems as best as you can. But the key here is to only devote the bare ass minimum amount of attention to external reality. Give your problems no more attention then necessary to get your head above water. Spend as much time as possible withdrawing into your imagination.

In your imagination you are free to do exactly what you want. There are ZERO LIMITS to what you can imagine. Think the thoughts that make you feel happiest. Imagine them as real in the present moment and imagine them for the sake of enjoying the pleasure of the present experience. Build your imaginary dream car, your imaginary home, imaginary relationship, and give yourself superpowers to save the world!

Be very patient with yourself. If you notice that you are worrying about your problems, just keep going back to your positive mental creations and expand them. I recommend constructing locations first. The more you think about them, the more detail you can add. Keep modifying them to make improvements.

How Does this Resolve Depression?

As you take attention away from negative external circumstances and refocus on positive imaginary thoughts, you will spend more time feeling good then you will feeling bad, so your depression will soon lift. The more you shift your thoughts, the faster your depression will lift. This is a rather obvious result of spending more time thinking about what you want compared to thinking about what you don’t want.

“The emotional mind can’t tell the difference between a real thought and an imagined one.”

Now it’s great to feel good again, but what about the negative circumstances you are experiencing? Even though you are feeling better, you may still have real life problems. Don’t worry this approach will help you improve your circumstances as well.

Your situations will improve in 2 ways. First, because you’ll be feeling better, you will be more motivated to take action that can directly help you. Depression is disempowering, but positive emotions are empowering. So you’re far more likely to take positive action to get yourself out of debt when you’re feeling good compared to when you feel depressed. Depressed people dwell on problems, but as your depression lifts, you’ll begin to think about solutions.

Secondly when you are feeling good, you will bring about better results thanks to the law of attraction. These results will come about almost effortlessly. The mechanism by which this works is the law of vibrational correspondence. And I have personally witnessed the law of attraction work so many times, that I will never have my doubts about it again. When you think about your desires and feel good about them, you attract it to you in ways that can’t be explained as a result of direct action. You will become very lucky when you feel good.

“When you feel good, good things happen.” – Melody Fletcher (Author of Deliberate Receiving)

By virtue of your direct action and the law of attraction put together, your depressing circumstances will make a total 180 degree turn for the better. For this to work you must think about what you want AND feel good about it. Your desire is like Kijiji, you can feel good about it!

My Real life Example

This is a true story about my journey, and my recovery was by no means final as I have been through 5 major depressive episodes. But each time I got depressed I was able to turn it around.

At the age of 18 the world was my oyster, I was the Army Cadet Sergeant Major, I had top grades in school. The problem was I was in love with a girl I couldn’t let go of during my high school days who lived in my building a couple years back. On September 13th 2012 I wrote this girl a letter, gave her a book and some scratch tickets. I was manic at the time and my decisions were costly.

On October 11th after the police had concluded their investigation I was charged with harassment. And suddenly, life as I knew it was gone. I could forget about having a great career, I could forget about having money, and I thought I was relegated to being a bum for the rest of my life. I walked out of the police station after I got charged with the worst feeling I have ever felt in my life. To add insult to injury, my cadet career had just 2 months left. Also, the NHL was in lockout thanks to the league and the players association being unable to strike a deal. So there was not even hockey to distract me. I started to feel so depressed that I stayed home from school, and I didn’t do my homework.

I started to find any form of work to be overwhelming. But when I showed up to cadets on Wednesday night, for that one time every week I wasn’t depressed. This taught me that depression is the result of focus, not on the circumstances itself.

By the time January rolled around, my lawyer informed me that chances were excellent the charges could be dropped in exchange for a peace bond. Also, my cadet career ended (which was a transition) and at the same time hockey came back. So when I started attending Sens games again, I spent most of my time thinking about the Ottawa Senators, and not about my charges. With one week left in the semester I caught up on a whole 3 months worth of work on my business and entrepreneurship course. I passed with flying colours and I did my business project on opening a gym. I completed the project by the due date and aced my exam. It was because the Sens won their first 3 games, 4-1, 4-0, and 3-1 that I felt so good and had the strength to make that push needed to pass my course.

And then after my business course was over, it dawned on me; who cares if I get a criminal record?

If I become my own boss it really doesn’t matter because I’ll be self- employed. I won’t need to submit a background check to an employer. The business and entrepreneurship course was a sign from the universe that I was born to be an entrepreneur. It’s in running your own business, that your potential is LIMITLESS. Now almost 5 years later I’m a personal development coach, living a life I could have never dreamed possible back then.

All I had was 2 high school courses left to finish up, and then by June I was done high school and playing my first ever season of competitive ball hockey.

Over the summer of 2013 I focused on personal development and decided my PASSION was coaching and helping other people reach their full potential.

Now in 2017 I’m doing just that.

What is my secret do you ask?



And I never will.

From Chronic Depression to Lifelong Joy

Do you realize that your freedom is an amazing gift? Regardless of your physical freedom, you always have mental freedom. You have the freedom to hold any thought you can possibly imagine – so free that you can turn your life into a depressing hell if you fail to understand your power….or into a joy filled heaven if you can master this ability!

Are you still hurting yourself by thinking about what you don’t want? Even the mere act of observing and noticing the presence of what you don’t want in your life can trap you into a negative state. Turn your attention away from such thoughts, and concentrate on what you do want, even if your only viable option is to go into your imagination. Let your imagination become your private refuge of positive thought. Use your creative imagination to get you into a state of feeling good, regardless of your external circumstances. This will activate the law of attraction, and it won’t be long before your external reality improves to reflect your thoughts. Eventually your circumstances will become so good that simply noticing your life will make you feel amazing. Instead of the downward spiral of depression, you will be enjoying the upward spiral of Joy!

If you want to change your outer world, you must first change your inner world.

Thank You,

Angus Baynham-McColl


I want to give credit to Steve Pavlina; this work was inspired by his article called Overcoming Depression. I followed his thoughts in this article, but I explained them in the words that I would have used and I used my story instead of his story as the example.